SEASIDE/TOMS RIVER Bennys are upset that they had to wait in lots of traffic last night leaving Seaside. “I come here to give money to small businesses, and I have to sit in this? I don’t think so!” Said Vincenzo Macaroni of New York. “My shore house pays the forces salary for a whole year! I can do whatever I want when I come DTS!” We looked up the acronym and it means “Down the shore.” One piney who had a pink Bud Light hat and camo t shirt said “Y’all I am a local from Lacey, and I am so happy they’re getting the drunks off the roads. This is fantastic. I’ll wait five hours if I have to. Plus the officer was kind of handsome.”

We are unsure if anyone was arrested as a result of the checkpoint. We will find out when there’s a press release.